Sigh. This year I was so under-whelmed. Academy Awards night - you let me down. This is usually one of my favorite days of the year - but the fact that I got through 2 hours of Ryan Seacrest red carpet coverage, plus the 3.5 hour telecast, in only 1.5 hours (courtesy of my TiVo remote) should tell you something. I'll try to sprinkle a bit of love in the mix, but overall I must warn you, for the rest of this post I'm gonna seem like a meanie. If there is one thing I've learned from being obsessed with television, it's that America loves a judge who isn't afraid to throw in a bit of harsh reality!

This was probably the most-talked about dress on all of the fashion blogs I follow....but Cate, your dress looks like its infected with a skin disease, complete with growing lesions. Plus, the fabric behind that circular cut-out looks like an after thought (albeit a good one - topless at the Oscars is probably not the way to go!)

Two suggestions for Amy Adams: Cap sleeves are not the most flattering on you - strapless would have been 1 million times better. And the emerald jewelry gets sooooo overshadowed by the blue that it doesn't make sense at all. Stop with the crazy color combinations please.

The Vatican called. The Pope wants his robes back.

I thought for sure Helena Bohham Carter was going to take the "worst dressed" of the night, and then BAM....Sharon Stone walked in. I mean really, are you trying to be the Black Swan?

I love you Reese, but I don't love this. A little to "themed." The retro pony would have looked good with a modern dress, or vice versa, but you're kind of rocking the 60's vibe a bit too hard here. Plus, I think we've seen this before, only better. Here, let me remind you with picture number 2...

Too matchy-matchy Natalie. I really like your dress, and the color is beautiful. But please, why did your stylist make you wear earrings and shoes in the same exact shade? Could we get a little contrast please? Perhaps some metallics??

Scarlett appears to have hit the beach earlier in the day. Too bad she didn't have time to tidy-up her hair before such a big awards show! I will say this color is gorge on you, just like it is on Natalie, and is your one saving grace.

Speaking of gorgeous color - hello Sandra! However, once the amazing first impression of your dress wears off, you've left us with nothing. Necklace? Killer hair do? Sparkly bag? No, no, and no. I'm left wanting more!

I think Sandra and Hilary were dressed by the same stylist. Amazing first impression? Check. Boring do and no adornment elsewhere? Check. Come on girls...give us something! Not even a flashy jewel??

Speaking of flashy....Gwyneth lookd like liquid metal in this. Not all bad, because of her rockin' bod, I'll give her that. My issue is with the fact that her hair and dress are the EXACT same shape. Mix it up a bit! If any of you loyal readers remember, I had this same issue with SJP at the Academy Awards last year, but on the other end of the volume spectrum. Another reminder with picture number 2...

Academy Awards Mandy, not Ice Skating Awards. On a serious note, I don't mind the bodice part of this dress, but the bottom could have had a bit more cascading jewels on it to emphasize the "fade-away" concept. Without them, this kind of has a mini-skirt vibe. Plus, I can't quite deal with that ridiculously sharp part in her hair. A low, loose bun would have complimented the softness of her dress a bit better.

Way to go on losing all the weight! Not so way to go on smashing your girls. Color is amazing, ill-fitting neckline is all wrong.

Now we'll move on to mediocre Anne. She is catagorized as mediocre because her hosting was, well....annoying. I couldn't really take much more of her - but even in fast-forward her fashions caught my eye, and she sure did rock it in the wardrobe department.

Opening the show in Givenchy....

Turning all "entertainer" on us in a custom made Lanvin tux....

and those shoes! Let's pause for a moment, shall we?? Brian Atwood = drool....

Who knew Oscar de la Renta could do disco??

Might I say THE look of the night - electric blue Armani Prive'. Tell me, how did she get her hair from wavy to straight? Plus, she had red nail polish when she walked the red carpet - but not inside. Yes, these are questions that have been occupying my brain for a few weeks now. Lame, I know.

Last but not least, my (sort-of) faves. I love these girls for their simplicity. My complaint is that this is the OSCARS! Ho-hum should not be the goal, and although I like these looks, they don't really knock it out of the park. If you're going to go bold, go all the way (Scarlett and Hillary). If you're going to do simple, please don't be too literal (Gwyneth and Reese). These ladies do capture a lovely blend of simple yet appropriately styled.

Michelle: A beautiful dress, an amazing fit, balanced with a modern little pixie do. Could she be any cuter?

Mila: Lavender and lace, with some intricate detailing in the construction. See Mandy? The soft styling of her hair compliments the look beautifully. No harsh center parts here...

Its like Farrah Fawcett - red carpet style! See what I mean Sandra? If you're going to give us a fairly simple red dress, keep our interest with some 70's bombshell hair!

I told you. Don't you think I'm a jerk at this point? I'm like Simon. I say what everyone else is thinking. Don't'll secretly love it. Everyone can't be super nice like Paula :)

Until the next awards show, dawg.


Camille said...

Dude. I mean Dawg...
I don't do awards shows, as you know. In fact I still don't know what film won, or who is best actor or actress this year. All I ever do is read your blogs. Which I love.

That being said, some of us are not on a first name basis with the celebs like you. Who is Mila? Or the seven Michelles? Can I throw out a request for some last names please. You are my Hollywood education provider, Dawg.